The Letter
by Vanndabrithe
Summary: A letter that started it all and a letter that will end it all. If you can imagine a world where you and I love each other so much, then why must we be faced with so many challenges?
1. Chapter 1

Dave stood in front of John's blue door gripping a letter he laboriously worked on. He stood there nervous and unsure of whether to slide the letter into the mail box or give it to him personally. Dave sighed opting for the latter rather then the former, if he was going to confess he'd much rather do it in person then hide behind in the shadows.

Knocking on the door he took a deep breath as he nervously rubbed his hands together. His nerves were starting to get to him- wait what? This was Dave motherfucking Strider not some love struck high school girl crushing over a boy. Dave turned his back to the door as he waited, mentally calculating how fast he would have to run if John said no.

"Dave?" an all to familiar voice spoke out. Out stepped John, the adorable nerd in all his glory. Large blue eyes, slight over bite, the same bed head hair he always had no matter how long he worked on it.

"Sup Egbert." Dave started out coolly as his heart began to accelerate.

"Um, not wanting to be rude or anything but why are you here?" John inquired as he shuffled as little to the right.

"Well you see John," Dave took an other deep breath as he nervously scratched the back of his neck, "I need to give you something and I totally don't want you to flip your shit when you read it okay. Just to make it clear to you, don't make fun of it because you will hurt the small Strider feelings that are blooming in my ever growing garden of feelings. Second of all, I want you to read it right now, and I will not leave until you do so. So hurry up and read it okay." Dave nervously rambled as he presented the letter to John who took it nervously.

"Fuck, so much for staying cool." Dave muttered to himself as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"Did you say something Dave?" John asked as he paused in opening the letter midway. Dave motioned with a few quick flicks of his hand for John to proceed with the task at hand.

John smiled deviously as he took the paper that held Dave's ever so slightly sloppy hand writing. "Dear John," John began out loud only to pause. "Really Dave? What is this? The book Dear John?"

Dave shook his head not trusting voice at the moment. Shit, shit, shit. He's going to read it aloud, fuck I'm going to have to take off any second now. Dave thought nervously as John began reading again.

"The exasperation of love that I feel for you….you will never know. I have tried to prove it to you time and time again that you mean so much more to me. Every time I see you, I feel you falter and hesitate more than the time before. I can tell that you do not think twice before you address me. As your words are sometimes hurtful and cruel, but carefully chosen for other around you. You maybe my best friend, but you also mean more to me then you could possibly imagine. To me, you are so much more to the point where I have been scared to voice my feeling to anyone." John's voice grew weak as he drew in a shaky breath.

"That I shall never tell you, maybe I will in a few years…as to how much you mean to me. As foolish as it maybe, I have chosen this path and therefore have no right to complain as I watch you from afar. I have chosen to stay your friend…even if my feelings have sprouted wings and flown off despite my wishes. I have, encrypted in the messages that I have sent you; told you time and time again what you mean to me between the lines.

You are my best friend and you make my façade, that I have worked endlessly to create, crack. You have made me show you the true me. I have exposed myself in my most bare essence with you. You have seen me for who I am as a person; you alone have seen how truly fragile I am." John choked up as his voice grew a little stronger.

"You know what it is that I am like, weak and scared of my own emotions. My emotions that cause turmoil within myself, the turmoil that never dies down but only picks up more strength. It will not lie down and rest, but only threatens to burst. I fear the day it will actually burst and is no longer contained. This appalling secret of mine, which not even you have witnessed.

I pray. I pray desperately that the day I tell you…you will sit there and listen to me. Listen to your poor old friend spill their emotions that have been bottled up for 7 years about you. Hopefully. you will smile and not be to deleterious in the way you go about it. Hopefully, you will just smile and say what you really want to say and offer to be friends if you do not share the same feeling as me." John wiped his eyes as he read causing Dave's heart to race in anticipation for the answer to come.

With a wavering voice John continued, "Having you in my life, should suffice, however it does not. I want to mean something more to you then merely a friend. Though, if my feelings are one sided, in this unrequited love, I shall be more then happy with having you there in my life as a friend….even if I yearn for you." Dave stiffened as he saw a tear escape from behind John's glasses as he held the paper shakily in his hand as his other veiled his mouth slightly.

"I really wish, that you would look around yourself and see that there are people who love you, such as I, and hopefully you shall reciprocate my feelings; though that maybe not be the case I shall be glad to be in the background as a friend standing by you in life. Yours truly, Dave Strider. " John finished in a whisper as tears now freely flowed down his cheeks.

"John?" Dave asked tentatively after silence had engulfed the two. He tentatively stepped forward to take a good look at John's face. "Are you okay?"

John shook his head as he opened his arms to wrap around Dave. Dave hesitantly hugged him back not sure what to do with the currently situation on hand. John started to cry harder as his hold on Dave started to tighten.

"John?" Dave tentatively inquired again. "You alright man?"

John buried his head deeper into Dave's shirt as he continued to cry. Finally after what felt like forever John relinquished his hold on Dave. He pulled back with a sad smile. "Dave, I'm sorry." he whispered to the wind.

Dave blinked back rapidly as he tried to keep the onslaught of tears from coming. He wasn't going to cry, well at least not in front of John. "Still friends?" he offered.

John shook his head sadly as he began to cry again. "No Dave, not friends. Why," he faltered as he stifled a sob. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Dave was still in shock. He had confessed his feelings to John, got rejected, rejected for even being friends and now John was demanding that he tell him why he hadn't confessed?

"I didn't want to fuck up John. Everything I love always slips by like water through my fingers," he muttered quietly as he tried to keep the strain of emotion out of his voice. "I- I- I didn't - I didn't want to hurt you John. I didn't want to lose you too. It would have been to much." Dave told him through a shaky voice.

"Dave." John spoke in a shaky whisper as he stepped closer to Dave and put his hands on Dave's shoulders. "I really like you, you're a wonderful person. You're my best friend and you have been for a really long time. But- but you could do so much better then me Dave."

Dave looked at John wide eyed behind his aviators. "Better than you John?" John nodded defeated as he took a step back until Dave caught him by the shoulder. "John, you are the best. You are worth everything to me. You're worth more to me then anyone I know. No one can compare as to how much you mean to me. Please you have to believe me," Dave pleaded but John refused to meet Dave's eyes until he felt a hand placed under his chin forcing him to eventually look into those ever present shades.

"Dave?" John asked as he reached out to take Dave's aviators to obtain a better look at his eyes. He gasped as he saw the tears that Dave was holding back. "No, Dave don't cry." he pulled Dave in for a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being insensitive about your feelings for me. I'm sorry for making you cry. I love you Dave. I love you so much but I don't know if I love you the way you love me."

"Why?" Dave asked as he leaned in slowly he brushed his lips against John's as he spoke. "What's stopping you?"

"Just…there's so much that I don't know about my own feelings Dave" John responded.

Dave leaned back, "You're still confused after 19 years of roaming this planet?"

"Not everyone is an early bloomer into their sexuality, Mr. Strider." John sassed as he leaned forward to lean his head onto Dave's shoulder.

"Then I'll wait John. I'll wait for eternity until you bloom, just for me." Dave told John as he pulled John into an embrace.

"Don't count on it being to long. I'm almost there I can feel it." John promised as he felt his heart accelerate.

"John?" he looked up as his name was called.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Dave whispered as he leaned in to kiss John.

John pulled back momentarily before leaning in as well. It felt right when he kissed Dave, it hadn't felt so when he had kissed a girl…it just didn't. Somehow it was like Dave and him were meant to fit into one an other.

John pulled back for a much needed breath of air. "I love you too Dave."Finally something felt right, even if his entire life felt like it was falling apart.


	2. Chapter 2

Nyx's tattered veil began to lift as sunlight filtered through the clouds offered the new day no warmth in the wee morning hours. Sunlight coaxed fading hues as it whispered petty words to stained glass windows, weakly clinging to its recipients down below in a morose embrace. Humidity birthed a stifling sense of sorrow, causing things to rupture and flee from the pressure it brought. Seeping gloom fogged the early light, making the day gray whilst time held in its presences the lamentation of mourning hearts.

The aging church nestled nicely on the ever green mantle of lush, laid silent as carpeted stairs sprouted their wings flying upwards to opened doors. The air smelt of freshly cut grass with a tinge of lavender permeating the pressuring air forward. Cold swirled as a torrent through the opened doors pushing past the worn down aisles to the space where John Egbert sat. Old and graying pews of the church were scattered across the floor offering some sort of unspoken prayer for the deceased loved one. Slanting light managed to embrace the young man, weakly bestowing an ethereal glow upon his lanky frame.

Bespectacled eyes blinked as tears cascaded down his distorted visage. The broken words of the preacher drift in and out of his head as he sat devastated by grief. Words that were meant to comfort sounded hollow and rehearsed with no emotion behind them causing nausea to crawl through him. He had to be strong, even if only for a little while, he had to at least pretend, only to completely break down afterwards in the arms of his love. Dave sat next to him, silently concerned as sadden hues colored his face. He squeezed John's trembling hand as his silent tears trekked downward telling John that he too lamented the loss; that he too wanted to break down and cry with him when they were alone.

John knew this day was slowly approaching, however never did he think that the day would arrive two weeks after Dave had given him the letter; the letter that was intertwining his future with Dave's. His father was already deteriorating rapidly from illness even before he and Dave started to court, but none the less John thought the letter had something to do with his death. There was no way that his father's death and Dave's letter were not connected; everything in his life seemed to be vaguely connected to a prior and seemingly irrelevant fact before it blew up and marred his life.

Everyday he would visit his father without fail, though he felt him wilt ever so slightly in his presence, as though being in an other person's gaze caused him to be burdened. John noticed him begin to recede into the lurking shadows which seemed to haunt his decaying frame. He seemed to shrink and recede from the outside world, cocooning himself in his own void from the pain and suffering he was living through daily. Then without warning everything took a turn for the worst,- a nightmarish hell was unleashed as the illness suddenly ambush his health. Even with all the medication and his noble bravery, he faltered for a second and lost his footing; causing him to double over and surrender. The victor quickly penned his name in a black book while making a hasty retreat to the underworld.

John wanted to desperately flee from all the turmoil to fly away and go back in time to when his Dad was still with him; back to the time when he was still smiling, laughing, joking around, or just talking to him. Talking idly as though the clock where not ticking away mercilessly. Talking as though time was still on his side, ticking away seconds that would be stretched into decades before the sands of time ceased to flow.

Though reality was not as flowery as he would have liked, John knew his father had come to terms with his end. He was fine with not seeing John grow up any more, graduating from college, living on his own with his first job under his belt. Relinquishing everything for a peace of mind, after having worked hard to achieve everything that he had, only to be wrenched away by the cold and blackened hand of death.

Soon enough the sermon came to an end, fulfilling John's wish of exiting the building. Soon people began to pour outside as if they were being expelled from the building itself. No one thought it a good idea to speak to John so he and Dave were left alone. John sighed in relief to see that no one tried to approach him as he walked outside with Dave tailing slightly behind him in deep silence.

"Hummingbird, are you alright?" Dave inquired weakly as he placed a firm hand upon John's shoulder.

John inhaled deeply after a while finally releasing the air he was holding. "I'm alright," he muttered in a weak and dry voice which was lost to the open air. He brought himself to smiled weakly as he turned to kiss Dave's cheek. Bringing his foot forward, he descended the stairs as he felt his heart sink further down into the earth that his father would soon be placed in.

John lead Dave out to the parking lot where they had parked their car prior to the sermon. Dave slipped into the driver's seat not trusting John behind the wheel under the given circumstances. John turned the radio on to his Dad's favorite station only to turn it off again as his thoughts began to cloud his mind with sorrow once more. John could have sworn that Dave tried to get him to say something but John was currently in his own world, away from all the discomfort that was currently surrounding him.

John could vaguely recall himself dismounting from the car as they arrived at the graveyard, and Dave lightly placing his hand on his forearm as he was lead to the actual burial. Time blurred completely once he actually stood in front of his father's coffin. His whole body flinched at the idea that he had stood there as the clouds concealed the sun, bringing with them a light unexpected rain. After that, the youth recalled nothing but Dave opening the door to his house.

"John? You blacked out on us," Dave informed John solemnly as he sat him on the couch next to the Harlequin. The room was untouched and the same as he had left it. He had tried to be out of the house as much as possible these last couple of days, meandering around throughout town, not knowing what he was looking for. On the rare occasion he did stay, he would sit in his cold dimly lit room staring out the window, until his joints were stiff.

The twinkling stars, that had sent their light millions of years ago, many of whom no longer existed, shone bright before his jaded eyes. Stars that had witnessed eons upon eons of history, deaths, and births gazed back at him with patience that sprouted with age. Endless black sky beckoned his name with every passing of the wind. Every whistle of the air called to him, coaxing him to loose his sanity, to loose everything he had: to run away leaving his heartache never be dealt with, never to stand tall and face his problems with his head held high.

Shade invited him into its open arms as cold fingers caressed his exposed face. Faint rosy hues erupted upon contact as he lent into the caress of forgotten fingers whisking through the world; they took John where ever he decided to go or do; they brought him peace and tranquilly to his state of mind. Though to him the stars were always visible, all he had to do was close his eyes and he would see them: bright and alive. Smiling with a warm smile at him, never faltering to catch his eyes from a distance nor disappoint him with their brilliance.

"Oh, um, sorry." John responded as he snapped out of his thoughts pulling his knees to his chest as he rested his head forward.

Dave sat himself next to John as he placed a warm protective arm around John's shoulders. "It's okay. It's a huge deal I know," he paused drawing in a shaky breath. "Its hard."

John nodded and pulled closer to Dave for comfort. They sat there as the silence hung close to their bodies offering a sense of security in the atmosphere. The pitter patter of rain against the window resonated thickly through the quiet house that now seemed empty and uninhabited. John leaned closer until his head was entrenched in Dave's shirt. Quiet whimpers where heard until they had escaladed in volume to full sobs severing the silence with tears.

Dave simply gathered John in his arms as he gently stroked his hair, saying nothing only to tighten his arms around the other as his sobs grew. After what felt like hours John began to hush as the tears were passing. His entire body no longer shook from sobbing nor did his hands turn white from gripping Dave's shirt. Tranquility was starting to creep in slowly while desperation was slowly loose its grip on John.

Dave looked down at the emotional mess of his boyfriend and began to rock John to and fro as though to cease his worries with the motion. Dave began to sing in the same manner Bro use to sing him to sleep as an infant.

"_Oh hush thee my baby, the night is behind us; and black are the waters that sparkle so green. The moon, o'er the comber, look downwards to find us. At rest in the hallows that rustle between. Where billow meets billow, then soft be thy pillow; ah weary wee fipperling, curl at thy ease. The storm shall not wake thee, nor shark over take thee, asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas." _Dave sang as well as he could hoping to calm John down further.

John clung to Dave as though his life depended again he wasn't going to let go, not after Dave had begun to sing to him. This reminded him of when his father sang him to sleep as a child after a nightmare. "Again," he breathed from the crevasse of Dave's neck as slow tears migrated downwards. Dave sang again and again until his voice became hoarse with use.

Time seemed to sluggishly move forward as John's head rested peacefully on Dave's shoulder. Kissing the top of John's head gingerly, Dave gathered him in his arms moving him to his bed on the second story. Once there he pulled the blankets down before placing John carefully on his bed, gifting him with a quick kiss and a soft 'I love you'. Dave ghosted out closing the door behind only to slide down in exasperation. Gingerly, he retrieved the letter addressed to John hidden in his breast pocket.

John didn't know that literally hours before his death Dave had told Dad his plans for the future. Mr. Egbert's smile grew as his jaded eyes grew a brighter by the knowledge. He had written a letter to John telling Dave he had little time left, there for having to resort to writing. Dave hesitantly opened the paper to read it and almost instantly regretted it. He had to hid this form John for a the time being, maybe give it to him in a few days after he stopped moping around or maybe even after he woke up? Dave pushed his head back against the wall as fresh tears began once more as he pulled his knees to his chest and cried as Mr. Egbert's letter laid for the walls to read:

_Son, _

_I am so proud of you for being the young man you are today, in knowing that I raised you to be this wonderful person. You were and forever will be, my strength to keep pushing forward in life, to keep aspiring for something greater than myself. My sole goal in life was and still is to make you happy, to see that smile that everyone loves grow wide until your checks hurt from smiling. However, I don't think I can keep that up for much longer…it saddens me to think that I won't see you smile but that's okay; because I love you so much John. Now I want to tell you that you shouldn't be too sad from my passing, its life and this happens to all of us, but I can't because I'm going to miss you. All of us must perish at one point but don't fret John, better things in life are yet to come. _

_Now, something more serious I need to tell you, John. It's Dave. He's a delightfully charming yet awkward young fellow who I believe you have fallen for. That's alright, follow your heart John, follow it and live your life how you want to. I have to tell you son, Dave *chuckle* he's quite a catch you got yourself there. Treat him well, son, you may never get a lover as loving and caring as him again. He honestly loves you, loves you so much that he came to me and told me everything. I'm trusting him to take care of you when you can't John, he's your best friend, your lover and who knows what more. However if he does decide to make you feel like your not worth it give him a good beating, and I'll come back to haunt him for hurting you. __J_

_Son, I love you so much, I hope you know that. I hope you know that I will never be happier with you than I am right now. You are the best son anyone could have ever asked for. You simply are the love and joy of my life, and will always be. I will always remember the hugs you gave me, the way I held you in my arms as a little boy. Your baby blue eyes that looked at me in wonder when you first opened your eyes, and your smile that brimmed with glee as you began to do things on your own. You began to grow up and all I could was stand back watching and trying to help you when I could. _

_I will never stop loving you son, ever. I'll be with you for the rest of your life, right beside you when you need me most. I'll send you a huge when you're sad and a smile when you can't seem to get up. I will live on in your memories, in your heart of hearts, playing with you as the wind, and smiling at you as the sun; crying with you as the rain, and embracing you as snow. I will never leave you John, I will never stray from you. I will always be your Dad and you will always be my baby boy that brought me so much joy while I spent every day with you, wishing this day would never come. But its here John, and trust me I don't want to go but I know I have to, so I will. But I will always and I mean always love you John. Always never forget that my son, never. _

_A thousand hugs and kisses from your old man,_

_Dad _


End file.
